thanks and giving 2016

The last two weeks have been terrible. It was a snowball effect – every day got worse but it snuck up on me the way a zit does – the kind you think will easily pop, then you mess with it and it becomes this cystic monster threatening to take over your face. Each day you can take as it is – one day – we can all handle one day. Then, you wake up one morning and realize life is terribly overwhelming and you wonder, what the hell happened? Each day piled on the next is a bit much and this life, this being an adult thing…it’s the freaking worst. With all the terrible no good sadness happening around me, there is respite in focusing on the things that bring me Thanksgiving.

Micky – For every spontaneous dance party, no matter where we are, they’re the best. For watching me do yoga over and over and over and over again. For letting me talk over him because all I need to do is vent, then forgiving me for being incredibly rude and still making me a gin tonic. For being the better half of us in conflict, in trauma, and in our entire social life (which he swears I would not have without him). For letting me be quiet, no matter how long the silence lasts. On the rare occasion I cry – for sitting there and waiting for me to tell him I’m OK, that it’s OK to hug me – I promise not to start swinging. For the times I cannot cry, letting me know that’s OK too, and not discounting my hurt. For never putting himself above another human; for always loving, always caring. For helping me piece myself back together when torn down. For always knowing my heart is never as cold as it seems. For making me laugh day in and day out  – without fail he is the funniest person I know.

My friends – the ones who trust me with their darkness and their light. For letting me share their burdens and for doing their best to help me carry mine. 

Doctors who fight every damn day to cure cancer – who relinquish family and friends to stay in labs testing cells, loving patients, believing in LIFE.

The passionate hearts of those I love fighting for what they believe: whether boots on the ground protecting this great nation; dreamers believing change is possible, it just needs a voice; those who sacrifice time and space to care for the lost; and those who haven’t quite found their purpose but love greatly.

My family that is constant and far reaching.

My late grandma Anna Daisy who taught me to be me, no matter what, and to never, ever let anyone make me feel less than treasured.

A beautiful earth that never ceases to amaze me and a landscape that stirs the peace inside me.

For women who give things like grief and loss a voice far greater than I could hope to have.

Choreographed dances that make me look ridiculous yet bring me joy and the friends who enjoy being equally ridiculous.

A roof over our head, food on our table, blankets to keep us warm and puppy dogs to snuggle.

For Birdie, always, for Birdie.

birthing class update

OK – I love this class, it’s highly informative and the teacher is ah-may-zing. We actually just found out she will be our doula and I could not be happier. She’s like a hug in human form. Anyways, in her gentle way of teaching you never know when she’s going to drop knowledge that is…graphic and/or horrifying. She throws it out there just as gently she would a comment on how stylish you look today. [she’s never complemented me on my clothes. bitch.]

The other night we were headed to class – after being surprised by two birthing videos the previous week, Mick decided to go into this class with a code word. A word we could both use to either leave early, rush to the bathroom, and/or to let the other know, “tell me when it’s over, I’m closing my eyes and plugging my ears.” We weren’t feeling super creative so we just went with the name of a famous author our friends recently saw speak at a local church. It was between that and “earwigs.” An hour into class, all was seemingly calm, a lot of review and research projects. After an open discussion and a few intriguing questions our teacher decided to watch a video instead of jump into her bullet points. Mick abruptly turns to me, “did she just say we’re watching another video!?” Misie: “Yea, it’s another one on the stages of labor…” Mick, in a panicked whisper, “josh macdowell, jOsH mAcDoWeLl, JOSH MACDOWELL!!!!!**” I LOST it – my entire body was shaking, tears were streaming down my face, I couldn’t even handle it. Mick snorted, pretended to rub my back as though I needed comfort which only made me laugh harder. This went on through the entire video!!! We may get kicked out before 10 weeks is up!

**for those of you who don’t know who Josh MacDowell is, the humor is most definitely lost on you. He writes moving and inspired books, and would never be in the same sentence with anything related to child birth.

slowly coming around

I finally feel like I am coming out of the dark. The last two months have been…welp, rough. I have had one full good week [with the exception of some insomnia] and it’s nice to feel apart of the real world again. I’m ready for some energy so I can get back to exercising, eating, and being outside! Thankfully, my cousin Ben will be in town this weekend! He drove from Tennessee and we are so looking forward to showing him around and getting some quality time in. It is quite kind of him to make the trek, and hopefully we can convince him to visit more often!

In other news – house things have been on hold and will hopefully pick back up in August with some furniture and painting. We did some unplanned construction on our bathroom – discovered the framing was covered in black mold thanks to a slow leak from the upstairs toilet, at least a few years old. I was banned from the bathroom for about a month until Mick was convinced that massive amounts of bleach killed it. Now we have a big hole in the wall – but no mold! Other updates include, but are no not limited to, Bud is still afraid of the floors. We have had a few 100 degree days with no Air Conditioning, and survived! I am becoming very stupid and clumsy – examples being putting the toaster away in the fridge, not wearing a bra to my first midwife appointment, and losing my mind over the intercom at work and instead of hanging up – laughing uncontrollably for everyone to hear. Thankfully I enjoy laughing at myself, so does Micky, it keeps life interesting

Looking forward to some other exceptional visitors in August and some cooler weather!

P.S. listen to this song – the lyrics blow my mind…