the thing with feathers

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –
And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –
I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.
-Emily Dickinson

happiest birthday lil bird

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breath in. breath out.

We are coming out of our haze. The shock is wearing off, although it surprises us every once and awhile. We are both finding it easier to write about what’s happening/how we’re doing than answering voicemails and even texts. [not that we don’t appreciate them – we do – we listen to and read them regularly] We have been asked to serve a role, a role we could never imagine or have the strength to endure. We have talked about this specific thing frequently over the last week. We have to be strong. We have to be present. We have no choice but to put our entire selves into this – if for nothing else but to give Birdie the strength and encouragement to fight. She is being asked so much more than us and right from the start – she is going to be a force.

The support we have received over the last six days has been humbling, incredibly so. We feel like we’ve been wrapped in a hug that circumferences the earth from South Africa to Maryland to Switzerland to California to Australia and all that’s in between – we know our family is loved beyond our comprehension. Our local Idaho “family” has been absolutely incredible as well – We can’t even put into words how blessed we are with relationship here. It has nothing to do with us – each and every person was handpicked to be in our lives for very specific reasons – reasons we now see falling into place with such precision – it’s quite surreal.

We meet with our new OB team the 29th – it will be a four hour appointment where hopefully my list of 37+ questions can be answered and we can get a timeline in place. Five more weeks till Birdie arrives – I wonder if she will always be one to make an entrance – she is certainly entering this world with nothing less than pomp and circumstance. Thank you to everyone for your prayers, positive thoughts, heartfelt messages and for making us laugh through this. It means everything. everything.

the lil one’s space

If I’m being honest, it’s been a chore to get started on this space. I have sat in the middle of the room countless times getting more and more frustrated. I tend to focus on all of the things I hate about it’s current state and yes, that helps because those items are the ones we change first, but it doesn’t make it any easier to picture it complete. The other afternoon I came home – Mick was outside with various tools I had not seen before and making quite a bit of noise. I stepped onto our deck and he was in a zone – major work/creative zone. He told me he was trying something – he had taken the leftover fence pieces from our gable wall, planed them down to their original red cedar and stained them this beautiful blue. After completing five or so pieces he nailed them to the outer wall, surrounding her picture window. I loved the look the planks took once stained, but was having a hard time picturing them as a statement in the space because – well – they were being attached to a pink wall and all the lighting has a soft orange hue. Since I had not come up with a single brilliant idea after all my time in that place – I went with it. Mick has since completed the entire wall and of course, it looks awesome.
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The next steps are painting the surrounding walls a crisp white. All our 1st floor walls are this horrible cream – I call it poor man’s vanilla. You know when you buy the three gallon tub of vanilla ice cream and it’s that weird shade of yellow that someone once decided was the color of vanilla [which is actually brown]?! That’s the shade of our walls and ceilings. gag. After we paint, Mick will replace all of the trim [which is a project for the entire house at some point] and remove the ghetto bifold closet doors…to be replaced with curtains…I think. I am starting to believe it can actually look different in there – to the point where I will forget how much I hated the space before! I look forward to that day.
**note – the orange hue in the pic is from our god awful light fixtures, also to be updated ASAP! bleck.

birthing class with a middle school mind

Yep – I’m going here…

Mick and I started our birthing class the day before vacation. It’s a small class with six other couples. We are studying the Bradley Method as I plan to have lil litschewski naturally at a birthing center. We have had three classes, only attended two so far. The teacher is a Doula and not only incredibly educated, but very down to earth and normal. Everything we have learned thus far has been fascinating and basic.
This week Mick decided to read ahead before class – it was about the coach and things they should be thinking of in preparation. It started off safe and normal and then, well… Mick is pretty much the funniest person I know – he has an incredible wit and can be exceptionally animated when necessary. He reached the emergency situations section – things like – if your wife comes to you and says she thinks there is a hand or foot sticking out, what do you do? – this of course required him to act out this type of emergency! Pregnant women should not laugh that hard and have to hold their bladder at the same time! He also had to read about various ailments the mother can get during pregnancy and his gag reflex is incredible – I now know words to say and/or leave lying around the house to make him squirm. Unfortunately, his over achieving status made the two hour class incredibly uncomfortable. First things first, we were given a research topic – they range from labor inducing drugs to various complications – remember, Mick is now a little more educated on complications, our topic: episiotomy. A lovely 2-5 minute presentation is in our future.
The remainder of the class we reverted to 12 year old boys laughing uncontrollably – more from flashbacks to earlier in the night – and giggling as one of us, not mentioning who, would circle every word in the chapter that had “anal” somewhere within it. Mick definitely snorted twice during class. If I had to do this with anyone else, it would be impending doom. Mick makes it all seem like one big awkward moment, one we will laugh about for a very long time. Actually looking forward to the next eight weeks!

growing up and things

I think in some ways I was born an adult. I had my kid adventures – midnight plastic gun fights, fort building with garden hose swings, spelunking with little knowledge of what I was doing, and camping in the backyard. However, I was always the responsible one, always the rule follower and always the logical thinker. I saved my money, I had a job at age 12 and I organized the crap out of my mom’s office. At times I probably missed out on some key teenage milestones but whatever, most of them are overrated. Recently, I want to be 11 again, all 48 pounds of myself, tearing through the Tennessee woods with my plastic machine gun, dirt smeared face and black sweats. I want to tackle my cousin at the makeshift bridge and whistle as poorly as I do now to alert my brother of a mission accomplished. I didn’t have a care in the world and my biggest fear was forgetting my class schedule [of which I still have nightmares].

There are times in life we are reminded how exhausting adulthood can be. How daunting the future, in all its hiccups. Mick and I used to tread lightly but, last year we decided, lets dive in! Sometimes we didn’t even plug our noses. We are facing a new adventure, one we tripped into, no goggles or nose plugs – we plan to flounder and learn as we go. You are probably wondering what the heck I am talking about. Let me stop spinning in circles and spell it out. There is a Lil Litschewski arriving in 2015. Yup. You read that right – your jaw is probably on the floor, we are still collecting ours. A human, one that will resemble both Mick and I is set to arrive sometime at the beginning of the year. It was unexpected, although I’m now learning of the many people praying and willing it to be so. We are still absorbing the news – Mick is handling it much better than myself. Partially because he’s hasn’t been wearing motion sickness bands everywhere, living off corn tortillas and oyster crackers and crawling on the floor to get around the house – no one wants hurl on the new rug. He can also still wear regular pants, this is the biggest bitterness in our house at the moment.

I can currently smell everything in a 20 foot radius and taste every ingredient/chemical in food. This lil person is stealing all my energy along with whatever brain cells one needs in order to locate their pen, put together a color coordinated outfit and remember to wear a bra. I’m making this look awesome. The biggest blessing of it all is we have six more months to get used to the idea and pretend we’re ready. Pour a little out for me next time you have a delicious summer cocktail.