The other day I was trolling facebook – it seemed everyone I know was or had been in Ocean City and I was being assaulted by fried food porn. In this moment I remembered the most embarrassing OC story from my post high school days. My friend lived there in the summers and it was always fun to go be a beach bum for a week [which meant getting entirely too burnt the 1st day and suffering for the following 6]. I didn’t have a car and I certainly wasn’t going to ask my mommy to drive me there. In a very random turn of events I ended up hitching a ride with this guy I knew, not very well, but he somehow passed my parents creep test [if they only knew!]. We got along OK and it’s only a 2 hour drive – I figured it would fly by. It took all of fifteen minutes in the car before he pulled out a book he brought – he wanted to read it on the way down to “kill time.” I remember holding it, blank stare in his direction – “you want me to read to you?” Yea, it will be fun – he said. Ummm OK…I cracked it’s spine and began reading a historical tale about Israel and thought, this is boring but I think I can muster through. Fort-five minutes in I realize – this book is NOT about Israel – it is about courting, relationship, and marriage…and i am reading it to some dude who clearly thinks that’s what’s about to happen and he’s letting me know over story time! Every page got worse and worse, every moment felt creepy from the passenger seat and intimate from the driver’s perspective. Did I mention we were in a truck with a bench seat?! Of course I was up against the door hoping it would fall open and spill me onto the pavement. He would stop me every now and then and ask my opinion on the author’s perspective and I would choke out something non emotive and suffer through his analyzation. All I wanted was to go to the freaking beach and be lazy and eat ice cream, instead I was stuck in a car with a boy who wanted to make me his Biblical wife without me even knowing!
I remember arriving at the beach and jumping out of the car, grabbing my bag and power walking down the street. He literally ran after me and offered to walk me the fifteen blocks – I politely refused multiple times. He walked behind me for fifteen blocks. We arrived at my friend’s and she could tell by my face that if she didn’t get rid of him, something utterly terrible would spew from my mouth that would involve not only dream squashing but more than likely permanent soul crushing. He finally left and I was able to tell her everything. For the next three days he would show up at her work, scour the beach for me, and randomly show up to her house interviewing her parents as to our exact location. All I could think was – he’s also my ride home! Worst news ever.
One evening on the boardwalk I ran into a very dear family friend – in a span of two minutes I told him my situation and he offered to not only drive me home, but hang out with me the rest of my time as to fend off any suitors. I could not have been more relieved! Although I dreaded the fifteen block walk to the skate park to tell said weirdo I no longer needed his services, there was a tiny bit of joy in breaking his heart.