We do not have the luxury to define how life prevails us. We can only choose our intent under it’s weight.
It is easy to exist – to be owned by fear, sadness or anger. It can be the most exhausting of things to take the weight of emotion and redirect it into purpose. A common narrative in our culture is that doing life selflessly is most difficult and inconvenient. There is such focus on how any given thing will impact you….you….you…it’s everywhere. What if the narrative was about sharing? Sharing in joys, successes, the honest to goodness soul crushing moments? Can you imagine how rich and vibrant “existing” could be?
The heaviness of life has not lifted – it spins and curls in every attempt to make a permanent home here. Our efforts to find normalcy get trapped under our need to process. Our need to process gets trapped under our fear of feeling. Our fear of feeling is the greatest of fears. It can be small things – choosing a different line at the grocery store because we see an infant seat…skipping a meeting because someone brings their child to work…walking away from a conversation riddled with the joys of parenthood. Every moment is owned, whether a milestone or failure. Every moment is a part of this perpetual process. Our intent is to keep moving; to be productive, not just dwell on the bad. In the moving and the smiling and the social experiments, there are moments where sitting in silence is necessary. It could be an evening, a week, a month… It is whatever it needs to be. The walls we build in our silence can be temporary or permanent, it’s up to us to fight against permanence. Instinct can rule our action, it cannot rule the intention of our heart. We remain vigil to our intent.
We are in a season of silence. We may not be reaching out to family and friends often, but we are good. We are busy with the day to day – allowing ourselves to get lost in work and projects. We are aware, we are present in this season to not let it become the norm, but this is where we need to function right now. We look forward to a season where silence is not the theme but this one feels right. We are surrounded near and far by the most gracious family and friends. The consistent contact, in all its forms, is so dear. We appreciate it even if we do not respond.
In other news we have had record breaking heat – the highest so far has been 106! It’s hot, yes, but honestly, it’s really not that bad. It certainly makes Idahoians grumpy, but we would take this any day over humidity and mosquitos. Our sweet friends let us borrow their kayaks last weekend – here are some shots from beautiful Lake Pond Orielle