Old Kinderhooks

When people don’t know what to say – they ask, “how are you?” The struggle to answer is in deciding – do they really want to know or are they being polite? Then…how do I put it into words?

I don’t know how to answer. I know what I think, but words in the head are like voices underwater. They are distorted. Jeanette Winterson

Yes – that sums it up.

We are OK**. That is the simplest response. We have horrible days, we have easy days – we exist in survival mode and that, in and of itself, is both sad and a success. Everyone wants to know how we are really doing because in their minds, there is no comprehension of how one functions in this space. A lot of that stems from having a family and their attempts to metaphorically wear our shoes. The idea is impossible. Well, so is each day, but we do it. Some of those days are filled with bright moments, belly laughs and what feels like normalcy. Other days we struggle to make it through and the world throws cruel twists and turns. But, we are OK.

Keep praying for us. Keep sending sweet notes and silly text messages. Leave us voicemails or send a positive thought our way. We appreciate every sentiment no matter its grandeur. We are not crumbling under the weight of Birdie. We have not been consumed by the grief. We are still Mick and Misie. If we had an online profile it would look the same – we enjoy a good bottle of gin, a good belly laugh and making fun of each other. If you saw us we would look and sound the same, however, our minds and hearts feel greater depths and at times function inside those depths. Don’t waste time worrying about us or grieving our hearts. Use that energy to love those around you and fight for your purpose.

An aside:

I have been tentative to write. I was caught off guard by the response to my previous post. It was not my intention to come across boastful or as if I wanted praise for our decision to donate breast milk. I am not sure why I was uncomfortable with your kindness, it was unexpected and not what I sought. I do not see myself as brave in doing so, to me, it was a logical step. I do appreciate your kind words, however, it has nothing to do with me. None of this is about Mick or I – it’s all about Birdie. It’s about her life and how it can encourage, inspire and bring perspective. She inspires everything we do. everything.

**Old Kinderhook club – history behind the phrase O.K. as told in my favorite movie Silver Linings Playbook – not historically factual, but, I like it, and not just because Bradley Cooper said it.

4 thoughts on “Old Kinderhooks

  1. DeWitt Edwards

    Missie you and Mick remain in my thoughts and I pray each day that God will comfort you on the days that are most difficult. Grief doesn’t go away with time we only learn to deal with it and you will.

  2. Brigitte

    Thank you for your words. They communicate so much depth of heart, honest feelings, and richness of life that I treasure each of your writings. Wow! What a gift from you and beloved Birdie!

  3. Holly

    Hmmmm I thought your donation of breast milk was a direct effect of one of the many gifts that Birdie is giving us on this planet, with you, my sweet Misie, as the vehicle of transmission of that love on a level that “WE” can tangibly understand.
    “How are you guys?” We all want you to say “fine thank you” not because no one really wants to know, but because if you say “not well thank you,” we all want you to be fine, because when we love someone, we always want them to feel “fine.” There is a helplessness with “not fine” that makes us want to reach into our bag of life tricks and produce the exact remedy that will make you feel “fine.” We are ill equipped with just “being” with the ever changing flow of emotion. The ebb and flow of feeling horrible is then feeling joy and then it’s gone, and then it’s back. We have been taught to fight the undertow, instead of lying on our backs and allowing the current to take us to the unknown. The unknown is scary, yet can unfold into blessings we may not have imagined. That place is where God meets us. I love that you and Mick are “floating” You guys are amazing and have a better grasp on “life” than most of us!

  4. Carole

    My sweet precious Girl. As always you give me the words I need to hear!! I want to hear you are ok. But what I need to hear is the truth. You articulate the depths of your heart so beautifully and honestly. I cannot stop greiving your heart. At times I am so overwhelmed by it. I will however pursue loving others more deeply and fighting for God’s purpose in my life. Your life inspires and encourages me. You are my Girl!!!!! I love you more each day.

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