When people don’t know what to say – they ask, “how are you?” The struggle to answer is in deciding – do they really want to know or are they being polite? Then…how do I put it into words?
“I don’t know how to answer. I know what I think, but words in the head are like voices underwater. They are distorted.” Jeanette Winterson
Yes – that sums it up.
We are OK**. That is the simplest response. We have horrible days, we have easy days – we exist in survival mode and that, in and of itself, is both sad and a success. Everyone wants to know how we are really doing because in their minds, there is no comprehension of how one functions in this space. A lot of that stems from having a family and their attempts to metaphorically wear our shoes. The idea is impossible. Well, so is each day, but we do it. Some of those days are filled with bright moments, belly laughs and what feels like normalcy. Other days we struggle to make it through and the world throws cruel twists and turns. But, we are OK.
Keep praying for us. Keep sending sweet notes and silly text messages. Leave us voicemails or send a positive thought our way. We appreciate every sentiment no matter its grandeur. We are not crumbling under the weight of Birdie. We have not been consumed by the grief. We are still Mick and Misie. If we had an online profile it would look the same – we enjoy a good bottle of gin, a good belly laugh and making fun of each other. If you saw us we would look and sound the same, however, our minds and hearts feel greater depths and at times function inside those depths. Don’t waste time worrying about us or grieving our hearts. Use that energy to love those around you and fight for your purpose.
I have been tentative to write. I was caught off guard by the response to my previous post. It was not my intention to come across boastful or as if I wanted praise for our decision to donate breast milk. I am not sure why I was uncomfortable with your kindness, it was unexpected and not what I sought. I do not see myself as brave in doing so, to me, it was a logical step. I do appreciate your kind words, however, it has nothing to do with me. None of this is about Mick or I – it’s all about Birdie. It’s about her life and how it can encourage, inspire and bring perspective. She inspires everything we do. everything.
**Old Kinderhook club – history behind the phrase O.K. as told in my favorite movie Silver Linings Playbook – not historically factual, but, I like it, and not just because Bradley Cooper said it.